How I Loved You

“What did you ever know,
of how I loved you?

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Star Ghost

One night
there was pain
and darkness

The moon hid her head
under black-goddess tresses
during the cold ghost hours

I came creeping to your window
and you let me in again
you did not rescind

I rasped the secret whispers
of the 14-year-old Juliet
star-kissed, star-crossed, star-ghost

I wondered would we always fall the same way
how much longer would my fool’s heart hold

Fixed and Pretend

A probable cyborg

I always remain at the intersection

At the precipice of dawn

I pretend

And on the teetering moonscape

I am fixed and transfixed

Dissipate

thoughts
like cascades of butterflies
Erupt and dissipate

give rise to voices
that swell and echo

have not been spoken
but are left to be seen

Sweet Lamb

O my Sweet
sacrificial lamb
how eagerly you come to my heel
how sweetly your innocent cries
fall into my black ears

Your body is warm by your thick coat
pulsing beneath my wild cold fingers
in the wet night
your lovely trusting eyes
like bright stars on the knife

You come with no rope
to bind you to anyone or to guide you right
how I love you! as your head
lolls in my lap and rests tenderly
but I won’t let you sleep

Warm and gentle is the forgiving breath
that we both nightly sigh
that virginal starry knife is coiled in my hand
tonight it will decide a life
one of us must past to into dust.

See Through

See inside
or see through
it makes no difference to me
though I sense you sink down beside this body
and my heart pounds hopelessly from anger at my soul
because I have no words to explain
though I sense perhaps you’d understand me
if I tried and failed to tell.

It’s frantic how I feel
though you don’t know and he said it better
how you turned me inside out because I finally realized
that you were just like me and it’s what set my rabbit’s heart to run
so see through me and ignore it
I’ll move on, I’m thinking it through
I don’t want you here, don’t you see
it’s all because you look like my truth

I didn’t need a muse
I don’t need one now
goddamn you because I know god has damned me
for being angry, spiteful, malicious and enjoying the moments
you speak to me while I seethe behind the green mirror
my eyes pinpoints and my spires threatening with thorns
What have I done; don’t stay, I will ruin you again

Absence

Black is the absence of my colors, gray is my shroud
Still my devotion spins
My love around you

Red was the color I chose for you, your high cheeks
Sighing under my kiss
Bodies yielding in time

Blue were the words you said at the end, our tired love
I had no tears
Our hearts fluttered away

 

We Collide

Are we only good for us
When we collide like stars?

When we disperse our rich elements
Amongst the universe?

Are you right next to me in that collision?
As it scatters its light and knowledge and life

To the children we will never have,
As they give it to their own.

Our molecules race back to the past.
Sometimes we are neck-and-neck

Sometimes, you go before me.
But my star always follows the darkest reaches of your heart.

You could beat me, if you wanted to
I fear you already have.

I come to you sullenly
Over the black finished threshold.

Our marriage bed has been laid for a great long while
But I don’t touch you.

We collide.